Minimize Unwanted Behaviors
It is funny about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the very best you will very often get it.”
W. Somerset Maugham
How do you react when you feel threatened? Set boundaries to provide the safety you need and respond appropriately to transgressions.
What can you do when you feel threatened or your rights are violated? Communicate your response with optimal assertion.
People are often unaware that they are violating your rights until you let them know. You can verbalize the problem specifically to them, as it occurs, and immediately negotiate the best solution. You are then free to get on with your SUPREME goals without suppressing feelings of anger and hurt.
The goal of optimal verbal assertion in confronting unwanted behavior is to provide the best verbal stimulus to stop the intrusive behavior. If possible, you can negotiate the best solution.
7 Steps to Minimize Unwanted Behaviors
Step 1: Verbalize and show appreciation of the other person’s most valuable character traits (when appropriate)
Step 2: Express your fears about the consequences of your communication (when appropriate)
Step 3: Offer a nonjudgmental description of the behavior
Step 4: Describe the feelings you experienced
Step 5: Describe your interpretation of the effects of the behavior
Step 6: State what will work best for you
Step 7: Ask the other person, “What do you think is the best solution?”
Allan, a stockbroker, used sarcasm to belittle people. After consulting with me, his sister-in-law Nanette asked Allan if she could speak with him privately.
She employed steps 3 to 7 when she said: “Allan, when you belittle people in my presence, I feel uncomfortable, because I don’t feel respected. I would be most appreciative if you could discuss your grievances privately with those involved. What do you think is the best solution?”
Allan was quiet for a moment and then responded: “You’re right, Nanette. I’ll do that in future.”
Put your best self in charge!
